


Lyrics (Larry Stylinson)

by ms_stylinson



Category: Larry - Fandom, Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Boobear, Harry Styles - Freeform, Hazza, Hurt/Comfort, Larry Stylinson Is Real, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, M/M, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, larry stylinson fluff, lou - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-07 10:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5452625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ms_stylinson/pseuds/ms_stylinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four years ago, Harry Styles fell in love, and was rejected upon confession. How is he supposed to put his past behind him when he has to face it every day? Larry Stylinson COMPLETE! All kinds of comments/ideas are welcome</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Clouds

H.S. POV

Present Day

We were just wrapping up rehearsals for the last show of our OTRA tour. Singing is something I have always had in my blood. But performing like this...it was something I never even dreamed of. And the best part of it all was that I was in it with my best friends.

My eyes sought them out amidst the chaos of our make-up room. Zayn was on the sofa, sketch pad in hand, putting all his imagination down through pencil strokes. Niall was running around with a bag of chips, with Louis in hot persuit. And poor Liam was following them as well, trying to clean up the chip trail they were leaving.

Seeing them like this put a smile on my face instantly. I love my friends. But was that reason enough to be alive anymore? I ran a hand through my hair, sighing,which caught Liam's attention. Nothing ever escaped his attention. I admired him for that. For being strong and mature enough for all of us.

"Are you alright mate? You look exhausted. I think a nap would make you feel better"

"Yeah, that's just what I need now. I'll be in the bus if anyone needs me okay?"

"Okay, Harry. Sleep well"

I walked out of the room and towards our bus. I loved our tour bus. It was so huge, it almost felt like a small apartment. We all had a key to it, so I just snuck in quietly and dropped onto the nearest bunk. I closed my eyes and resumed my thinking.

_I love my friends. But was that reason enough to be alive anymore?_

Honestly, I didn't know. What I did know was that life as I knew it had slowly slipped away from me, the fame and attention making it hard for me to notice the difference at first. But lately, I was beginning to see what it was doing to me. What it was doing to my friends. It was a one in a million chance if you got to see them genuinely having fun, fooling around or even smiling. They were way better at handling it all. I was like an open book.

When I saw our WWA concert movie, I was not surprised to find myself staring at a stranger. A stranger who seemed very angry, with a frown on his face.

I heard someone getting on to the bus. Instantly, I felt frustrated. _Can I not have one minute to be alone??_

A relatively short figure came towards me.

"Hey, um...Liam asked me to check on you. Were you sick or something?"

I could make out his features in the dark. The blue, blue eyes. The soft lips that taste like sunlight. The boy that I...

"No. I'm not sick. For God's sake just leave me alone!"

I regretted the words immediately. But I dare not show it. I could make out the hurt that crossed his face for a few seconds.

"Oh. Okay."

He doesn't leave. He just stares at me.

"What do you want now?", I snapped.

"Well, I came here to rest a bit too. Is...is that okay?"

I could feel my anger melt away a little. At least I was not the only one in need of a break.

"Oh. Um..yeah, I guess. Lock the door behind you, will you?"

"Okay. Thanks."

I snuggled back under the covers. I heard the key turn, then footsteps, and a 'plop!' as Louis fell onto the bed across mine.

So much for some time alone.

"Harry?"

What the hell does he want NOW??

"What?"

"You know you can tell me anything, right?"

I could feel my chest fill with warmth instantly. Hmph. So he does care. But why? Why now?

Four years ago

It was the beginning of the year, and it was our day off. Louis & I were the best of friends since the beginning, sticking together like the two sides of an Oreo. We lived together, ate together & slept together. Our fans loved the bromance. We were inseparable, or so we thought. Louis was always cheeky, but always had a soft spot for me. He never took a joke too far if I seemed uncomfortable. He was always around, a shoulder to cry on. And since the beginning, maybe it was the crazed hormones or whatever, he was my whole world. He was my idol, my role model, and slowly became my love.

Then one day, we were at our place, snuggled on a couch in front of the TV. He had his arms around me, as always, a blanket enclosing us in our own little world. He was staring at the TV, and I was staring at him. I knew I should be patient, 'cause I didn't know whether he would accept me or not. But I took the risk anyway.

Slowly, I took his face in mine, making him turn towards me.

"Louis?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I....."

I couldn't take it anymore. I just leaned in and kissed him. Electricity was buzzing through my whole body, as my heart's desire was fulfilled. And the best part of it all, after a few agonizing seconds, he started to kiss me back. I could feel his hand in my hair, softly massaging my scalp, as I broke away and started to brush my lips along his jaw, slowly trailing down his neck.

But something was wrong. I could feel him go rigid, and his hand came away from my hair.

I leaned back to look at his face. It was blank.

"What are you doing, Harry?"

I could feel hotness creeping up my neck.

"Um...kissing..?"

"And why the hell did you want to do it with me??"

"Because I.."

"I don't care why, Harry! What is wrong with you? Do you even know the consequences if somebody found out?!"

Now I was angry.

"Then why the hell did you kiss me back? You seemed to enjoy it as much as I did!"

"Yeah, well, it was out of pity, okay?"

That was it. He got up & left, and only came back three days later to get his stuff.

"I'm moving out".

I could feel my heart crack. But I did not show it.

"Oh.Okay".

Just like that, it was over. Somebody separated the two sides of the cookie and licked off the cream.

 

Present Day

"I have nothing to tell, okay? If you came here to sleep, then go to sleep".

I knew I was a bit too rude, but I couldn't help it. It was the first time in ages the two of us were alone. And it scared me to death. Of course, he would've forgotten all about that fateful day, what with all the girlfriends he had. I mean, I'd had girlfriends too, on request from management, but he actually took them seriously, being with one person for so long, probably falling in love with them as well.

I could hear him turning around, probably to face the wall. But then he spoke.

"Sleep well, Haz".

Tears sprung to my eyes at the familiar nickname. But I fought them back.

"Yeah, whatever".

 

_Someday,_  
_You're gonna see the things that I see_  
_You're gonna want the air that I breathe_  
_You're gonna wish you never left me...._


	2. I Wish

L.T. POV

I turned towards him, only to find him facing away.

 _"Sleep well, Haz"._ It was the only piece of comfort I could offer.

_"Yeah, whatever"_

Ofcourse, it was bluntly rejected. Not that I wasn't to blame for him feeling this way. In fact, I was the only one to blame. If I I'd been strong enough, just for that one day, none of this would've ever happened.

I took in his sleeping form. It was exactly the same as when I first met him. He would lie straight for a while, like a proper adult. But as he went in deeper, he would loosen up, knees slowly drawn towards his chest, arms folding closer towards his body.

I smiled at the familiarity. He had grown so much, physically and mentally. He definitely was not the boy I knew, the boy whose heart I ripped to pieces. This was a whole new person, stronger, and darker.

I sighed to myself. I focused on the sleeping boy. His breathing was deep, which meant a bomb going off wouldn't wake him now. Liam had asked me to check on him, and if I don't have any real update, he would probably strangle me. So I slipped of the bunk and padded towards Harry's.

It was nerve-wrecking, to say the least, being together like this, after all those years.

I slowly reached out and touched his arm. He didn't stir. Okay, I could do this.

First, I checked his pulse. It was slow, just enough to keep him alive as he dreamt.

Then I put my hand to his forehead to check for fever. He was hot. Literally.

I sighed. Liam was gonna freak out. I had to do something. I looked around our bus and found some face towels. Getting down a bowl from the pantry, I filled it with cold water and added some baby cologne, courtesy of Niall's shelf. That boy was a sucker for sweet scents.

I took it all back to the bunk, and lay them down on a small table. I dipped the towel in the solution, wrung it out, and slow as ever, started to dab Harry's forehead with it. I could see him flinch immediately at its coldness, but then seemed to relax. It didn't seem to bother him much, so I continued for a while, my hand switching to auto pilot and my mind wandering off.

Four years ago

"Louis, do you have a moment?" It was our manager. I was never called in for private meetings with the board. Well, today is my lucky day. I even texted Harry.

_Just got called in for a PM with The People. Have any idea what it might be about?_

_Nope. Might be about the album. Text me when you get home. :)_

_Okay xx_

"Hello, Louis" It was Simon, in his all-business mood, with the othe board members, sitting at a conference table in room 13. All poker faces. It was definitely intimidating.

"Hey"

"So, do you know what this is about?"

"Er, no, not exactly".

"Well, this", he said, pointing to a screen, "is what it's all about".

I was stunned. A million pictures flashed before my eyes, all of them featuring Harry & I. Our first picture together, all our hugs, our private convos, all laid out for everyone to see.

"Can you tell me the meaning of this, Louis?"

"I.."

He cut me off.

"Because I have looked at these a million times now, and all I see are two boys who are practically salivating over each other. And that, or anything else even remotely related to this", he said, pointing to a picture where Harry was looking at me, "is not going to happen. Are we clear, Tomlinson?"

"But I.."

"I said", he stood up, towering over me. "are we clear?"

I swallowed, looking down. "Yes, sir".

He sat back down. "Good. Oh, and I think knowing that your position in the band and your freedom of communication with Styles are at stake will be a constant reminder of this...agreement", he smiled. It took little imagination to conjour up the pitchfork and horns that were invisible. "We are done. Off you go".

I was struggling to keep my composure till I got out of that stupid room. As soon as I was out, the tears streamed down my face. I could feel my hands trying to rip out my hair. I could not care less about my position in the band. But being with my friends and Harry? That, I could not give up for the world. Whatever I did now would make Harry hate me forever, but at least I got to see him, to work with him. I just had to control myself around him. Which was damn hard, considering the fact that I was falling in love with him.

He was so innocent, with his wonderful curls and charming personality. He was hurt so quickly, and I loved his fragility. It was a constant reminder for me to have boundries when I was playing tricks on people, or annoying them, just for fun. He was like a little bird, and I loved taking care of him, though he was the one doing all the real work. Cooking, washing, cleaning, you name it, and Harry was the one who did it at our apartment.

When he kissed me, it was like I had found the meaning of life.

And then, along came the spider, and frightened Harry Styles away from me for the rest of my life.

 

Present Day

'Splosh!'

The saturated towel fell from my hand and into the bowl, splashing water everywhere.

The front of my shirt was soaked, and from the slight whimper I heard, so was Harry.

"Hey, shh, it's alright". I quickly put my hand to his forhead, to calm him down and to check his temp. I sighed in relief as I felt Harry's familiar warmth seep into my fingers. He sat up.

"What the-? What do you think you're doing?"

"I was just--"

"Why the hell were you touching me?!". The disgust was clear in his tone.

I was stunned. The anger in those beautiful green eyes was too much for me. I turned away, feeling the sting at the corners of my eyes.

"You were having a bloody fever", I mumbled, "I was just trying to break it".

I got out of the bus and started back towards the others.

I closed my eyes and wished.

 

_If only time could just turn back_

_'Cause I got three little words_

_That I've always been dying to tell you..._

 

 


	3. Moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. Leave your comments for me guys :)

 

H.S. POV

Present Day  


_The figure was blurring, moving away, into the distance._

_"Don't leave me! Please!" I can feel myself crying out, the burn in my throat. But no sound comes out._

_The figure moves further. His head turns, and all I can see are two blue flashes before he rushes toward me with a knife._

_"Noooooo!!!"_

I woke up with a start, drenched in sweat and reeking of...baby cologne?

A bowl lies on the bedside table, with a cloth in it. _What th-_

"Oh". The scenes rush back to me. I close my eyes as I dwell on the complication I had brought upon myself. I'm sure if I had been awake, it would have gone better. Too late now.

I look out the window, and see that we were moving. Probably going back to our hotel. All the other bunks are now occupied, holding four very tired boys. I looked across the aisle to find strands of black hair peeking out from under the sheets.

Ah. So he doesn't even want to be near me. Good. That's what I wanted, right?

I got up and walked towards the pantry near the back window, passing the smallest boy on the last bed. I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

An infinite line of cars and vans and trucks were following us, each of them eager to get to their destination. Most of them must be going home. To get away, even for a while, from the day's chaos. To fulfill their need for genuine happiness, the kind that money can never buy.

 _I had a place like that once_. I shook my head clear. _Once. Only in my head._

_He doesn't need you. He said it so himself._

This was ridiculous. I was fighting my own conscience...and for what?

_But you love him, don't you?_

_LoveD. Past tense. I'm not sure I even like him now._

_Hm, really? Then how do you explain those photos you have tucked away in your journal? The pages filled with the snippets of conversation you have with him, written down, word for word?How do you explai-_

_Shit!_

I was thrown back as the brakes screeched, followed by an ear splitting crash. My head hit an overhead cupboard, and the world went black.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"..21 year old male, direct trauma to head, possible skull fracture..."_

_"..blonde young man, leg fractures in two places..."_

_"...2 other casualties with minor injuries..."_

_"...the smallest one remains unresponsive..."_

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_I am floating...soft, light, like a feather. Up, up, towards clouds. Something big is chasing me, trying to take me down...I fly....past the clouds, and I'm falling, falling, into water. But the water isn't cool.It burns._

My body is on fire.

"Aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhh!!! Make it stop! It hurts! It hurts so bad!.."

I hear a smooth, calming voice. "Shhh, it's alright".

I calm down, as the pain subsides, overtaken by a warmth spreading through my arm to the rest of my body.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wake up to an annoying beeping noise. Which, I found out by taking a quick look around me, was indicating that I'm still alive. I had wires emerging from my chest, connecting me to the beeping thingy, a bandage around my head and an insanely huge headache.

I fumbled around for the call button, and then turned my attention towards the small TV fixed on the side of the room.

Pictures of our tour bus were shown, blown in from the side and the front. The bold letters staring at me underneath it said COLOURLIGHT MALFUNCTION ON HIGHWAY.

Huh. So that's what happened. I remembered waking up and then staring out a window, then, nothing.

"Mr. Styles?" A young woman in uniform poked her head in.

"Yeah". Ugh. I sounded like an old man.

She smiled hugely and let herself in. After checking on the beepy machine, The Smile looked at me.

"How are you feeling now?'

"Um..I have a headache. Other than that, pretty normal".

"Okay", she reached into her pocket and pulled out a card of tablets. "Take two of these, every six hours. The headache will be gone in no time. You're lucky you don't have any fractures. Just a few cuts and bruises". She turned to go, but I had to ask her one more thing.

"Wait". She stopped, The Smile returning immediately. "Is...er...Is Louis okay?"

"Louis Tomlinson?"

I nodded. The Smile disappeared. "Well, he seems okay now, though he suffered heamorrhage and he has been out for a while now. Doctor says if it continues for another six hours, it could be a coma, though we're not sure whether it's the kind you wake up from".

TS tried to return, and upon failing, she left.

I squeezed my eyes close. Please, please let him be okay.

I looked around and saw my clothes sitting on a chair nearby. Slowly, I reached around my bed and pulled out the plug of the beepy thing. I took the round things on my chest, and also the IV. I tried to sit up, but as soon as I put my weight on my hands, pain shot through my fingers straight to my head.

_"Fuck!"_

I had to be more careful. I tried again. This time, I was slower, and made sure my head was kept steady.

 _"Yes"_. I got out, dressed quickly, hobbled to the door and poked my head out. It was quiet, except for the occasional doctor or nurse passing by, who didn't seem to notice me at all.

I grabbed a surgical mask from the room and headed out. I took me less than 2 seconds to realize that I had no idea where to go.

It can't be too far. Our manager would've made sure we all stayed close.

I looked left and right alternatively.

_**Stewart, Roberts, Fogle, Alarian, Cassiopia** _

God, the choices people make these days.

**_Dexter, Smith, Horan_ **

Familiarity. Finally.

I poke my head in as quietly as possible. It is by sheer will power that I hold back my surprised cry.

Niall. Liam. Kissing.

On that ridiculously small bed, with Niall's bandaged foot dangling from a pole.

They seem lost in their own world, muttering incoherently between feverish kisses. I had a strong urge to yell 'I TOLD YOU SO!', but I didn't. I receeded back into the hallway and hobbled on.

**_Yang, Grey, Shepeard, Malik_ **

I was cautious this time. A quick peek through the small square of glass confirmed my suspision. Perrie was there, fussing over the poor boy, who seemed to keep reassuring her that he was fine.

I smiled at the sweetness of the scenes I had witnessed.

But that was not what I set out for.

**_Avery, Holishan, Levitt, Tomlinson_ **

I froze instantly. This was it. I closed my eyes briefly, summoning my courage and my couldn't-care-less facade.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the door.

He was asleep, just like TS said. I was just glad to see him breathing.

I moved closer to the bed, so close that I could hear him breathing. His face was pale, and plastered with tubes that fed him & helped him breathe. His right hand was on top of the blanket, an IV biting into his elbow crease.

I could feel the sting in my eyes as my stupidity the previous night hit me hard.

_"Why were you touching me?!"_

_"You had a bloody fever. I was just trying to break it"._

He must've been with me for hours, trying to make me feel better.

_Oh, what I wouldn't give to see those blue windows right now._

"Louis?", I whispered, "Louis, don't you dare leave me like this, when I haven't even told you..."

Sobs took over me as I flopped down on the chair beside his bed, taking his small hand in mine and bringing it to my lips.

All I wanted to do was squeeze in beside him in that small, small bed and kiss him till he came to his goddamned senses.

 

_Shut the door_

_Turn the light off_

_I wanna be with you_

_I wanna feel your love_

_I wanna lay beside you_

_I cannot hide this_

_Even though I try..._

 

 


	4. 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. I think my last chapter was sort of a flop, so I am trying to redeem myself with this. Sorry! Tell me if this is good/bad

 

L.T. POV

_"Louis, don't you dare leave me like this, when I haven't even told you..."_

Told me what?

Why can't I move my hand?

Is he holding my hand??

I mean, I can feel my hand being held, but why can't I move it?

Why can I see only black?

My hand is moved again, towards somthing small and soft. Harry's lips.

But something is wrong...I feel drops of liquid, pattering onto my hand.

Why can't I open my eyes?

_"Please, wake up! I'll never be rude to you again..I promise! Y..you have no idea how bad it felt to yell at you..But..but it's so hard, Louis! It is so hard to be around you!"_

_*Sobbing*_

It's hard to be around you too, love. Especially now, if this is not some sort of dream.

_My head feels so heavy..._

 

Three and a half years ago

*Doorbell chimes*

"Just a minute!"

I was making dinner for the first time, or at least trying to. Eleanor was supposed to come over about ten minutes ago, and I was just about to resort to taking her out, when the doorbell rang.

I rushed to the door, an apology on the tip of my tongue, but when I opened the door, all I could do was stare.

I had to at least pretend to be angry. How else was I gonna get him out of here before my emotions take over?

"What the hell do you think you're doing? I think I made it clear, I don't want to see you again".

The hurt on his face was clear. It had been only six months, after all. He looked down, seeming unsure of what to say.

"I, um, I just wanted to know whether I can join you fir dinner tonight. I know you hate me and all, but I just can't seem to help it. I was feeling lonely, and of all the people I could go to, my mind always seem to choose you".

My heart melted. It took every ounce of self control I had to restrain myself from taking him in my arms and holding him tight.

"I have no idea why you're acting like this. You could've gone to any of our mate's. But seeing as you're here already, you can join me".

I turned to go back in, biting my lip to stop the tears threatening to fall. As I approached the kitchen, the dilemma I was facing before came rushing back to me: _I didn't actually cook any food!_

Oh my god. I can't just send Harry back now...and..oh, shit. Eleanor. I glanced at the clock above the pantry. Why was she so late anyway? I pulled out my phone and dialled her number, making sure I was out of Harry's earshot. That boy had suffered enough already. I didn't need him worrying about replacing my apparent gf for dinner.

"Hello?"

"Hey, El, it's me. I think I'm coming down with something, and it's bad. Can we do this another night?"

"Er...do what?"

"Dinner? You...said you'd come over today, right?"

"That was today? Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, Louis, but it wasn't on the list for today, and so, I won't get paid for that, and you know how I feel about these things...."

Could she not at least pretend?!

"No, no I get it. It's okay. Bye".

"Bye".

I thanked myself for not preparing the food.

"Hey..can I help you with anything?" Harry had wondered into the kitchen, being careful not to hold eyecontact for long. His expression told me he had not heard the phone call.

"Well, I was kinda having a problem with dinner, actually. I was gonna make dinner for...fun", I laughed nervously, "And then I realized I didn't know how to cook. You know, 'cause.."

He nodded.

'Cause he was the one who did all the cooking before.

"Okay, did you have anything on mind?"

"I was thinking somthing along the lines of chicken and mash potatoes..."

We spent half the night getting the food prepared. Harry was trying to teach me things, but I kept messing up. It was much more interesting to watch him do it, his long, delicate fingers working through the ingrediants, measuring out seasonings with a single glance. We put the chicken in the oven, and waited for the timer.

I savoured every moment of the time we spent in my kitchen that night. Subtle glances, a soft brush of hands while trying to reach something. I needed to remember every detail, to get through the rest of my days with that girl.

I clutched the counter tightly trying to control the anger that hit me as I contemplated these things. I didn't notice Harry observing me until he said, "Hey, are you okay?"

"What? Yeah, yeah, I'm okay".

He was looking at me with such softness in his eyes. I started to list the pros and cons.

_Nobody is around right now. They are so far away._

That was all I could come up with.

I slipped off the counter and walked towards him.

"What are you-?"

"Shh, be quiet", I closed in on him, and slowly took his face in mine. I could feel him shiver at my touch, his eyes showing a thousand emotions at once: confusion, happiness, fear,..

Those emerald eyes were looking at me questioningly as I lowered my lips onto his, savouring the moment they touched. The familiar feeling of unconditional love coursed through my veins, and I couldn't control myself. I kissed him hard, letting all my emotions pour into it, and letting my heart get its fill of Harry Styles that it was deprived of for six months.

I broke away, leaning my forhead against his, letting my eyes stay closed.

"Promise me something?"

"What?", he whispered, sounding ready to bear the weight of the entire world.

"Promise me, that whatever happens", I took a shaky breath, "you'll keep it in your mind that I love you".

I opened my eyes slowly, to find him staring at me in disbelief.

"You..what?"

"You want me to repeat it again?"

He nodded, eyes wide with fear that my response will not be what he expected.

I smiled slightly.

"I love you, Hazza", my voice was a low whisper, "I always have before you even knew me properly, and I want you to promise me that you won't forget that, no matter what happens".

His hand came up to my face, stroking my cheek softly. My eyes fluttered close, my skin prickling with electricity at his touch.

He moved closer so our lips were only an inch apart.

I could taste his sweet breath as he whispered, "I love you too, Lou. And believe me, I will never, ever forget what you just said. I've been waiting to hear it for so long".

I smiled as his lips covered mine, and we travelled to our own world, lips moving to rhythm, the kiss deepening with every passing moment.

'DING!'

"The oven!", we said at once, then broke down in a fit of giggles. I was still high when we had dinner, which turned out to be okay, considering I was the one cooking most of it.

"I am actually impressed Lou, you're a fast learner".

"I had the best teacher, didn't I?" A beautiful smile lit up his face, and I tucked that image away safely with all other sweet memories featuring the love of my life. I was smiling and laughing all the way through our dinner of _chicken, stuffed with mozzarella, wrapped in parma ham with home made mash potatoes._

 

_I have loved you since we were 18..._

_Long before we both thought the same thing.._

_To be loved and to be in love.._

 

 


	5. Strong

**Trigger warning : includes scene of self harm. Viewer discretion is adviced**

 

H.S. POV

  Hospital food tasted like crap. I was glad to go home the next day. I hadn't slept properly in days, worrying about Louis and the last show of the tour, rescheduled for next month. Everything in my life right now was a complete mess. I had promised myself to avoid any situation that could end up in me getting hurt again. But I couldn't seem to help it.

As time passed by, the doctors confirmed that Lou was in a coma. I didn't know whether he could hear me or not, but I went to him everyday, talking to him, praying for him to wake up.

I took his hand in mine for the millionth time that day, tracing the soft lines on his palm as tears threatened to fall yet again.  


Three years ago

It was since six months since I had dinner with Louis. We couldn't hang out together much, but I didn't care, because I remembered his sweet promise with crystal clarity.

_I love you, Hazza_

The mere recollection of the words sent shivers through me. I had fallen for him fast, even though I knew he was with Eleanor right now. I figured management had a say in whom he had to date, so I didn't mind. Much. But it was hard to see him go places with her, while I stayed behind in his apartment, texting him through the 'dates'. It was hard to see their pictures posted all over the place, to see fans shipping 'Elounor'. But I put up with it, for a while, grateful for the existence of 'Larry' shippers.

When I couldn't take it, I locked myself in his bathroom and forced my body to feel a different kind of pain, the blood trickling along my arms temporarily blocking out my pained heart.

But this one day, Louis was home early, and I knew I was in trouble.

I heard his key turn in the door just as I was in the middle of quite a deep cut. I froze, the blade digging into my skin. He let himself in, locked the door behind him, and was walking towards his room, whose bathroom I was in.

"Haz? You have to hear about this thing that happened today..."

I closed my eyes for a second and calmed down. As soon as they were open, I worked silently and fast, putting everything back in order, wiping the blood off the sink and flushing everything down the toilet. I pulled my sleeve over my arm and opened the door, smiling confidently, and stepped into the room.

Lou immediately wrapped me in his arms, hugging me tight.

"I missed you so much, baby. It's torture to be out without you.."

His voice trailed off as his lips came down on mine, soft and sweet. His hands moved up to my face, then slowly made their way down my neck, my shoulders, my arms...I flinched in pain as his fingers brushed the fresh cuts. He noticed immediately.

Breaking away, he looked up at me, worry written all over his face.

"What's wrong, love?"

"Nothing, just been missing you, that's all"

He smiled. "Me too", he said, squeezing my arm lightly.

Fireworks of pain exploded in my arms and I jerked my hand away on instinct. Instantly, I knew I was done for. I couldn't even imagine how to begin answering his questions. I could already see in my mind the hurt on his face, his disgust as I showed him my scars...but it never happend.

He looked at me questioningly, visibly unsure of how to proceed. He reached for my wrist, then looked to me for permission. I nodded, unable to meet his eyes.

He took my hand in one of his, and with the other, gently pushed up the sleeve of my sweater.

A faint gasp escaped his lips, and I closed my eyes, guilt washing over me like a wave.

He led me to his bed, and sat me down. "Don't move".

I could hear him rustling around the kitchen, opening and closing cupboards, and finally running back to the room with a small plastic box that said 'First Aid'.

I sat there silently, as Louis cleaned and dressed my wounds, pausing only to ask if it hurt. I could feel his tears falling onto my hand once in a while, and my stomach clenched at the pain I've caused him.

After he finished, a single word escaped his lips, his eyes searching mine for an answer.

"Why?"

I took a deep breath and let the words flow, hoping they made some kind of sense.

"I just..It hurt so bad, sometimes. Being here, knowing that you were with someone else, your hand held by someone that's not me. When you're with me, I feel strong, safe, and loved. But when you leave, it's like you take the better part of me with you...you leave me in this dark, dark place that's filled with hurt...The sight of my blood always brought me back to reality. It seemed like a small price to pay for sanity when you're gone. You're my source of strength, Lou. Without you, I'm nothing..."

I broke down, my head dropping into my hands. I could feel his small arms wind around me, holding me tight, anchoring my heart to his. He whispered in my ear as I tried to calm down.

"You know what? I depend on you for strength too. You are my rock, the one I always look forward to come back to after crappy days with girls. I carry around a part of you, it's true, but I leave a part of me with you as well..You just have to focus on it...Ignore the voices telling you otherwise. There's nothing to run from, baby. I love you, and you are my entire world. So please, love, I'm begging you, please, don't ever do this to yourself again, okay? I love you for who you are, and you don't have a dark place inside you. You are full of warmth and sunshine. And if you ever feel this way again, don't hesitate to call me okay?"

I shook my head. "I don't want to cause trouble..." He cut me off.

"You're not trouble. If anyone thinks you are, I'll take care of them".

My heart swelled with emotion, and it took all my energy not to start crying again.

I nodded, folding myself into his open arms. He took my damaged arm and kissed it gently, before bringing his lips to mine.  


_I'm sorry if I say, "I need you."_

_But I don't care,_

_I'm not scared of love._

_'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker._

_Is that so wrong?_

_Is it so wrong_

_That you make me strong?_  


 


	6. Through the dark

**A.N. I love my small group of faithful readers. You guys are awesome & totally make my day :)**

**Just to clear any doubts that might arise, this whole chapter takes place three years ago.**

Three Years Ago

L.T. POV

                I was fuming. I hated them all, every single person who forced me to be away from my love, causing him enough pain to hurt himself. I didn't want to send him home tonight, and he agreed after quite a while of trying to convince me that he was fine and could go home alone.

It was nearly midnight, but I didn't care. I pulled out my phone and dialled Satan's hotline.

"Hey, Louis, can't sleep?"

"No, Simon, I can't sleep, because Harry Styles is sleeping on my bed with a hundred and fifty cuts on his arms, most of which are new".

Silence. I continued.

"I'm done. I'm done dating Eleanor. I just want my life back, Simon, and Harry does too. He's suffering because he's forced to see me with someone I clearly don't want to be with, and he is drowning in loneliness".

I heard a lot of throat clearing as he tried to come up with a response.

"Um..Harry is lonely, you say?"

"Uh, yeah, because I'm with Eleanor and can't spend time with him"

"And you don't want to be with your, um, girlfriend anymore?"

I clenched my fists at the stupidity of this conversation.

"No. I do not want to be with my, um, girlfriend".

"Okay. Inform her, then. I'll take care of the rest. Go back to sleep. Be careful when you send Harry home. Don't want any rumours".

He hung up.

Well, that was quick. I fully expected for him to put up a fight. I couldn't help but feel something was off. But most of my problems were gone now, so I didn't think about it much.

I dialled another number, and was greeted by voice mail.

_"Hey this is Eleanor, if you're hearing this, I'm not available or I'm ignoring you. If it's the latter, please hang up. If not, leave a message after the beep.."_

"Hey Eleanor, it's me. I spoke to Simon, and I'm breaking up with you. Bye. Have a nice life".

......

I walked back to my room, where Harry lay curled up, his  bandaged left arm sticking out. I couldn't imagine the amount of pain he was in because of me. He looked so small right now, like a child, innocence radiating with every rise and fall of his body.

I padded towards my closet, quickly changed into my pyjamas and slowly slipped beneath the covers. Harry was facing outward, so I carefully wrapped my arm around him, and pulled him against me, his back against my chest. I closed my eyes and revelled in the fact that we were finally together, without other people to interfere.

Harry stirred beside me.

He yawned, and turned to face me.

"Is it morning already? Why are you up?"

"It's just past midnight. And I...well, I have some news for you."

He smiled sleepily. "Really, what?", he mumbled, eyes fluttering close.

I leaned in and whispered in his ear, "I broke up with Eleanor"

His eyes shot open. "You did?"

I nodded, stroking his confused face. A small smile formed on his lips, "Oh, Louis, did you just go against management for me?"

I pulled him closer and planted a kiss to his forehead.

"I would do anything for you, love".

His smile turned cheeky as he climbed on top of me. I suddenly wished the layers of cloth between us would disappear.

He leaned in and kissed me softly, which quickly escalated as the fire burning within us took over. Somewhere in between, I flipped over, so he was trapped beneath me.

He chuckled lightly, the noise reverberating through his body to mine. "I forgot" he paused, leaning up to kiss me, _"Louis tops"_

I smiled against his lips, as the night continued, until I couldn't tell where my body ended and his began.

 

H.S. POV

_ The next morning _

__

My thoughts were a blur as I faintly heard Louis calling my name.

_"Harry?"_

I was so sleepy. _Just another minute.._

_"Harry?"_

_Is the house on fire?_

_"Hazza?"_

I sat up, and heard his voice floating from the kitchen. "Hey, come on, get up and help me, 'cause I have no idea how to cook breakfast!".

I laughed. "Sure. I'll be there in a minute".

Streching and yawning,  I was just starting to wonder why I was feeling so sore, when I recollected   the night before.

 

_He was on top of me, and the make-out turned to something more, as our clothes were undone by one another and new territory was explored for the first time. I was scared, being a virgin of all kinds. He knew this, and fully understood, because so was he._

_"Are you sure about this, Haz? I can feel you trembling"_

_I swallowed and nodded. This was Louis. This was the person I would go through hell for. He wouldn't hurt me._

_"Yeah, I'm sure"_

My spine tingled with excitement just thinking about it. I have no idea how he managed to be careful of my arm all night, because I could barely form a coherent thought now, let alone while we were having sex.

I got off the bed, dressed and padded towards the kitchen to find Louis running around in a hurry, trying to make breakfast, and by the smell, failing spectacularly.

He was at the stove, trying too late to save some strips of bacon. He gave up, and turned off the stove, sighing, his fingers moving to his temples.

I walked upto him and wrapped my arms around him from behind. He was so small, I could almost wrap my arms all the way around his middle.

"Good morning, sunshine"

He leaned back into me, resting his head on my shoulder, face turned towards mine.

"Morning"

I held him tighter against me, as he whispered in my ear, "I had fun last night"

I could feel heat creeping up my neck.

"Yeah, me too. Now, what can we do about that breakfast?"

He laughed and wriggled out of my arms. "First tell me, how's your arm now?"

I hadn't even thought about it.

"It's fine. I think I can take the bandages off. I'll do it right after we finish".

He smiled suggestively, his voice coming out as a low purr, "Finish what?"

I shook my head, laughing at his act.

"Breakfast. Finish making breakfast".

 

 

_ A few months later _

L.T. POV

                I was at home, getting ready to head over to the studio for a recording. I hadn't been able to be with Harry in a while, since we were both busy with the new album. I thought, and was scared too, that our relationship would get boring after a while, not being able to spend much time together, or go out together.

But I found out, it was the best kind.

The butterflies in my stomach if he moved closer to me when we were on stage.

The emotions that awkened within me at his lyric changes, _"I'm in love with Lou, and all his little things"_

The rush of fear at the risk I take as I answer with _"I have loved him since we were 18"_

All these things brought us closer together.

With every glance, with every song written down thinking of him, I felt my attachment to him grow, even though it was physically impossible to be together most of the time.

On my way to the studio, Paul, our tour manager called me.

"Hey, Louis, are you on your way?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in a few". I was about to hang up when he said, "Can you pull over for a minute, I have something to say before you get here".

I felt really uneasy, because whatever this was, it couldn't be good.

I told the driver to pull over, and turned my attention back to the call.

"Okay. What is it?"

"Well, I'm just a messenger, really, and I have nothing to do with this..."

"Would you just tell me what it is?"

"No, wait, I just...I know how you feel, and I want you to know that I'm on your side, but there are a lot of others on the board who outnumber me, so I really am not in a position to do anything".

I felt my heart soften. I knew Paul was a good guy, but I never realized he cared so much about my feelings. But still, I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Okay..so what is it?"

He sighed, and let me know the worst possible thing I could've heard that day.

"Harry was set up with Taylor Swift"

I almost dropped my phone. "What?"

"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. I think Simon got the idea he was lonely or something...and after you 'broke up' with El, he called and asked Taylor if she was up for the job. She agreed yesterday, saying she needed some money to buy accessories for her dog, or something".

I just sat there, unable to utter a single word. Simon's words from that night echoed through my mind.

_I'll take care of the rest.._

It felt like some kind of cruel joke. But the voice on the other end of the line informed me it's not. This was insane. I had agreed to their crap about not being seen together AND to dating Eleanor.

Now this? What were they trying to prove? That they will always be in charge of our lives?

"Louis? Are you still there?"

I felt my fists clench, and I pounded the seat in front of me.

"Yeah, I's still here".

"Um..well, I was also told to tell you that...Taylor will be there at the recording today..photo op, you know? So, you're supposed to appear as far away as possible from Harry, okay?"

After 30 seconds of no response from me, he sighed and hung up.

 

_ A few more months later _

H.S. POV

                I had just come home after having lunch with Taylor. I was getting sick of the routine: Set a date, hire paparazzi, go on said date and pretend to have fun.

 I missed Louis like hell. We couldn't spend much time together, but I was at his place when ever possible. I wondered if Louis felt so miserable when he was with Eleanor. I wondered if Eleanor had chased him out of her apartment right after lunch, saying she had to go get ready, though she wouldn't say for what.

I tried calling Louis, but kept getting his voice mail. I gave up after a while and decided to take a nap, planning to go over to Lou's at night.

 

L.T. POV

                The music was blaring throught the enormous speakers, bodies gyrating to  the fairly tasteful dance music. I sat at the bar of a random exclusive club, wondering what happened during the 'Haylor' lunch date.

Did they talk and laugh their way through the meal? Did she accidently brush her knees against his under the table? Did they make out..?

                My thoughts drowned out the world in a way alcohol never could. And I almost missed it, if not for the familiar witchy laugh that carried across the bar. I turned my head towards it, fearing that Harry would be with her.

But, my fears subsided as anger took over. I looked on as she leaned towards a stranger who seemed at least twice her age, teasing him with her lips. All rational thoughts left me as I stormed over to the happy couple.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

She broke away from the salivating man. "Well hello, Louis. It's nice to..." Her scream caused a few heads to turn, but the music was too loud for most to hear.

I looked at her bewildered expression as she tried to wipe off her drink, which was now staining her dress, courtesy of yours truly.

"That's what you get for cheating on my boyfriend!"

I resisted the urge to squash her to little pieces and walked away.

I got back to my apartment to find Harry inside, sleeping on the couch. I checked my watch and saw that I had been gone for more than 7 hours. How long has he been here?

I walked over to him, and gently stroked his curls, careful not to wake him up.

As my fingers moved to stroke his cheek, a strange feeling pulled at my mind.

Were we ever gonna have a proper relationship, or will our lives forever be controlled by this small group of powerful people? _Was he worth fighting for?_

One look at the emerald eyes that were now fluttering open gave me the answer.

_Oh I will carry you over fire and water for your love_

_And I will hold you closer_

_Hope your heart is strong enough_

_When the night is coming down on you_

_We will find a way through the dark_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Where do broken hearts go

**A.N. I think I'm gonna end this within the next few chapters...**

Present Day

                It was a day of joy and chaos. Reporters and fans swarmed at the entrance of the Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital, eager to get their hands on any update on the condition of the pop star that had woken up the night before from a five-day coma. Several hooded figures, of which two were in wheelchairs, accompanied by a couple of well-muscled men were spotted leaving the premises while the doctor was facing the media just outside the front entrance.

L.T.POV 

_ A few hours ago _

                 The world was fuzzy around the edges as I observed everyone fussing around me. Niall was sitting on one side of my bed, leg propped up on a chair, while Liam was running around with Zayn, making arrangements with doctors to take me home later. My mom and sisters were crying and hugging while dad tried to hide his tears. One figure stood out from the rest, leaning against the door, hands in his pockets, observing me with a slight smile on his face.

                Just then, Paul called everyone out for a quick huddle about facing the media. Nobody said a word when they realized that Harry didn't make a move from where he was standing. After everyone left, he walked towards me.

"Hey, you", I smiled up at him.

"Hey" His expression was unreadable. Maybe he was thinking of the same thing I was.

_Why the hell were you touching me?_

Though the details were blurry, the rest of that night was fresh in my mind.

He sat on my bed, and instinctively, I reached for his hand, realizing too late that I don't know what his reaction will be. I must've looked very upset, because a moment later he was crushing me into him, his lips in my hair. I buried myself in his chest, wrapping my arms around him the best I could with the bunch of wires and tubes holding me back.

I could feel his tears dripping onto my neck through my hair. I pulled back, resting my forehead against his. "Shh, it's alright..I'm okay now..."

 I reached up and ran my thumb over his tear-stained cheeks. He closed his eyes and sighed.

"I hate my life", he whispered.

I chuckled darkly. "I think I'm the one who should say that". He didn't seem to hear me as he continued.

"Why is this happening to me, Louis?"

"What, baby?"

"All I ever did was love you. And immediately after, we are forced to be apart and date other people, and then you cheat on me..."

I stiffened. He doesn't notice.

"...and then I'm forced to watch you lie lifeless for a week. I just..I don't even know what I'm supposed to do right now".

The silence that followed was very uncomfortable. Finally, he spoke again.

"I need some time to think", He nodded towards the door "Tell them not to look for me, okay?"

I nodded, "Okay".

I stay still as he pulls me into him again, whispering in my ear, "Take care". He pulls back and kisses my forehead before he leaves without looking back.

I cheated on him? As far as I know, we both cheated on each other. I was angry. How could he blame me after what he did?

 

Three Months Ago

L.T. POV

                It's our three year anniversary tomorrow. It's not like we were a couple since the day he kissed me, but we chose that day to start counting anyway, since we could've been together, if not for _external influences._

                I was trying to come up with the perfect gift, going undercover and sifting through stores. But a few stores later, it hit me that the perfect gift for Harry was not for sale.

It had to be made.

I ducked into the nearest bookstore, bought a journal & a new fountain pen, and drove to my favourite café to get started.

                The journal had a brown leather cover that went all the way around it and came up front to be tied with a leather cord. Opening it, I started writing.

The bottom right corner of the first page I decorated with his beautiful name in my best script.

_Harry Edward Styles_

Turning the page, I realized that I had zero experience in writing this kind of stuff. I took a deep breath and prayed for the right words to flow.

 

_My world spins_

_around you, my love,_

_Every breath I take_

_is with you in my heart._

_To me you are like_

_the rising sun;_

_glorious, yet soft_

_as it falls upon dew-covered grass._

_With you_

_It is not_

_lust nor infatuation;_

_It is true, pure love_

_that seeps out of my soul_

_when I see you._

_This small gift comes_

_with a great promise_

_of infinite beautiful memories_

_to be made_

_in the years to come.._

_Love,_

_Louis x_

I lifted my pen off the page, surprised. I guess emotions are the best inspiration.

“Ahem”

I looked up, startled. It was the waitress, Melissa. She was a very nice lady who used to work in the bakery Harry used to work for.

“Hello, dear. You seemed pretty absorbed in your writing. Are you working on a song?”

I laughed. “No, it’s just something I’m hoping to give to someone”

“Does that someone have green eyes and curly hair?” she asked with a knowing smile. She knew me too well.

I must’ve turned a million shades of red ‘because she started laughing out loud.

“Well honey, if it’s so, that someone came here and told he was headed towards town ‘bout a half hour ago. Oh, and I think I remember him asking about good jewelry stores there. If you leave now, you might be able to catch him”.

Jewelry stores? That was weird. And I thought he was home today. He doesn’t really like to go out much because the paps stress him out.

He must’ve had some sort of errand to run. Oh well.

I nodded with a smile, and got up to leave.

I was walking around, my hoodie and shades providing me just enough cover, looking into the few jewelry stores that matched Harry’s taste. I was just about to think that he had gone home when I suddenly caught sight of familiar brown curls.

I stopped for a while there, just admiring the way he looks from afar. He was almost glowing, talking to a salesman, looking at a display case, smiling beautifully.

He was pointing to something, and waved over someone to his right.

I froze.

I wished and wished and wished for it to be a dream as I watched Kendall Jenner appear by his side and cling onto his arm.

He had been hanging out with her for a while, and it all seemed so innocent, with just a few texts and calls here and there. It was definitely not management, ‘cause Paul would’ve warned me. Was Harry hiding something?

She looked at the display case he was pointing to, and started jumping up and down, laughing and clapping. He just stood there grinning, as she went on to throw her arms around him and kiss his cheek, then rest her head on his shoulder.

I could feel my throat closing up, but I had no time to react because they were headed towards the door, right next to where I was standing. I quickly went into the next store and headed straight for the men’s room.

When I looked in the mirror, it was as if my reflection was laughing at me. I had trusted this boy completely, with all my heart, loved him with my whole being. How could he do this to me? I mean, I knew he was still a bit confused about his sexuality, whether he was bisexual or not, but he could’ve talked to me without experimenting on his own! I would’ve helped him!

 I couldn’t take it anymore. How could he do this? And on the day of our anniversary?

It was just too much.

                She picked up on the second ring.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Louis. Long time no see. How are things? You ready to finally say that you want me?”

I gritted my teeth. She was like this since the day we met at a fashion show. She does not seem to understand the concept of being gay. But I put up with it just this once, ‘cause she was one of the few people I could talk to without being judged.

“Actually, I was hoping that we could meet up. You know, catch up on the last couple years?”

“Ohhhh my GOD!! Are you serious? I’ll be there at your place in five”

Okay, that was quick.

She was there about 30 seconds after I closed the door behind me.

“Looouuuuu!!!!” She rushed inside and enveloped me in a big hug, kissing both my cheeks. She was wearing a very short dress, with a low neckline that I figured was supposed to be sexy.

“Hey, I just wanted to talk to you about…”

I never got to finish. She started kissing me like crazy, slipping her hands under my shirt, and slowly making her way downward. Her mouth started to follow the same direction, grazing my jaw, my neck, nipping at my collarbone.

It was horrifyingly uncomfortable to see her, but my mind’s eye quickly replaced her face with Harry’s. The Harry that I fell in love with. The Harry I lost today.

I closed my eyes and succumbed to the kisses that I imagined to be from my love, replying with equal passion.

She pushed me towards the sofa, and before I knew it, she was unbuttoning my jeans and guiding me inside her.

“Oh, baby, you are so hard! And it’s all for me…”

If only she knew.

My ears hardly registered the soft creak, and by the time I realized what it was, it was too late.

“What the hell?!”

I pushed her off me, pulling my jeans up.

She dusted herself off, “Oh-oh…I guess I’d better leave…” She headed out, nodding to Harry on the way out like the shameless whore she was.

 “Hello to you too, Brianna”, Harry’s fists clenched with the last word. She fled down the hall, banging the door shut.

He nodded to me. “And hello to you, Louis. Been busy on our anniversary?”

I was trying hard to keep my cool. To show that I no longer cared. Which was getting harder by the minute. I was going to have to finish this fast.

“Well, yeah. Did you enjoy your little spontaneous date?”

“What date?”

“Oh, you don’t know? Then I must’ve confused you with someone else out there”

“Where, you idiot?! I didn’t go on a date!”

“I don’t know, you looked very comfortable with Kendall out there..”

“WHAT?!”

“Oh, now you remember?”

“It was not a date Louis!”

“Sure, it wasn’t. And I didn’t sleep with Brianna just now”

“You slept with her because you thought I went on a date with Kendall?”

“Well, I didn’t exactly plan on screwing her, but who knows what happens when you get it going with girls? You should know Harry, even you weren’t able to resist the kiss of a girl”

He laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “You fucking idiot”, he whispered, his voice cracking.

His fists clenched, and in a split second he snatched the nearest vase and flung it against the wall.

His booming voice was louder than the crash.

“You fucking idiot!”

He looked at me with such hurt in his eyes that I almost forgave him. But I held my ground. He was not the only one who got hurt today.

He turned and walked out of my apartment, and never came back.

It was then that I caught sight of the wrapped parcel I had kept behind the vase that now , lay shattered in a million pieces.

I slid to the ground, the enormity of what I’d done crashing down on me in a huge wave of anger and tears. We could’ve sorted things out. But it was too late. I had taken my revenge way too early.

The damage was done, the hearts were broken.

 

_Counted all my mistakes and there's only one_

_Standing out from the list of the things I've done_

_All the rest of my crimes don't come close_

_To the look on your face when I let you go…._

 

 

 

 

               

 


	8. Fireproof

Present Day

L.T. POV

                I’d been back for about 2 weeks now. Though I did miss having everyone around me at all times, I did NOT miss the disgusting hospital food. I was feeling much better, though I had to visit the doctor every weekend to make sure everything stayed fine. I had just come home from my second visit and getting ready for dinner, when my phone rang. An unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Louis”

My heart swelled as I recognized the low pitched voice on the other side. I had not heard it since he left me at the hospital.

“Um..hey..did you change your number?”

“No, no..I just…I’m calling from the lobby..”

“The lobby? As in, the lobby of my apartment building?”

“Yeah…can I just, come in for a second?”

“Sure. Come on up”.

I could feel the butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. He said he needed space to think. What was his decision?

It didn’t take long for the doorbell to ring. I swallowed and walked towards the door, praying for strength to face whatever comes next.

****

H.S.POV

                My palms were sweaty as I waited for him to open the door. I hadn’t been here since our ill-fated anniversary 3 months ago.

I heard his footsteps as he came towards the door. The lock was turned, and a moment later, he was standing in front of me, and all I wanted to do was take him in my arms and never let go.

L.S. POV

                He looked so nervous.

“Hey, Harry”

“Hi”

“Come on in”

I led him in & closed the door behind me. We walked towards the kitchen.

“I was just getting ready for dinner. Would you like to have some?”

“Yeah, sure”

I got out the plates, and he helped to set the table. We worked quietly, moving around each other with extreme care, like if one of us made a sudden move, everything would fall apart.

H.S. POV

                The quietness was uncomfortable, to say the least, but it gave me time to think about what I wanted to say. I’d had a couple of weeks to think, and I was pretty sure of what I wanted to do.

He hadn’t changed anything since I left. Everywhere I looked it was an outburst of memories.

We finished setting the table, and sat down to eat. He had cooked the entire meal, and I was impressed.

“This is really good, you know. Nice work”.

He grinned. “Well, I learned from the best”

That made me smile. The rest of the meal continued with small talk, and Louis had just gotten up to bring us desert when I noticed a new vase sitting on a table. The bitter images of the shattered vase it replaced hit my mind. I needed to make my move before it’s too late.

He came back & set the desert cups on the table.

“Louis?”

“Hm?”

He started scooping ice cream into the cups.

“I think we should finish this now”

“Oh, I think we should too, because this ice cream melts easily. If it mixes with the jelly..”

I felt the corners of my mouth pull up despite the seriousness of what I was going to say.

“No..not desert. What I came here for”.

He looked up, immediately stopping what he was doing.

“Oh. Ok.”

We walked towards the living room and sat on opposite sofas.

“So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and…”

He looked at me nervously, and I could see the hopefulness on his face.

“…and I decided I don’t want to be without you”.

He looked stunned. His words came out in a whisper, “What?”

I smiled. “My whole life, I have been searching for things that showed some meaning of life. I found quite a few things on my journey. My family, my friends, singing….they gave me a reason to be alive, for a while. But as I grew older, it got harder. I knew I was different from my buddies, but I didn’t know why or how; I blocked out the world and immersed myself in music. It was not enough; I yearned for interaction that would make me truly happy; until I met you.”

He still looked shocked as he listened, wide eyed.

“It was like you were my other half. You made me know myself better; you made my world better. You taught me what love is, and I won’t ever forget that. You were the only reason I stayed with the band for so long; otherwise I would’ve left to make my own music. But I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving you; the thought of never seeing your face again. And I still feel the same way. That is why I want you back, Lou. I don’t care about what you did, and in the end, it was all just a misunderstanding….”

He was quick. “Misunderstanding?! I clearly saw you……”

I had come prepared for this.

“Yeah, yeah I know. I was with Kendall. But it wasn’t like that, I already told you. And until I can prove it to you, and explain, I am willing to put everything behind me and start all over. What do you say?”

L.T. POV

His words were echoing in my mind.

_What do you say?_

He was giving me the choice. The choice to feel happy again, or the choice to continue protecting my heart from further damage.

H.S.POV

                His eyes fluttered close, and he bent his head as he tried to concentrate. His hands came up to his hair, running his fingers through it.

He looked up with an unreadable expression on his face.

“I…I know what I want, Harry, but I just don’t know if it’s worth it anymore…”

He looked away, and I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes. Was I not worth it?

He looked at me then. I could feel a tear dripping down my cheek. I turned my face away.

He got up quickly and walked towards me and slowly guided my chin towards him, but I couldn’t bear to look at him right now, so I let my eyes close.

That didn’t faze him as he whispered against my lips, “Hey, you didn’t let me finish..” I could feel his thumb moving over my cheek, wiping away my tears. He leaned his forehead against mine, and I could feel his warm breath caress my face as he spoke again, “I don’t think keeping my heart from being broken again is worth being away from you…”

L.T. POV

 I didn’t get to say another word as he closed the little distance between us. The saltiness of his tears seeped into our kiss at first, but it soon stopped as we reveled in the feeling of the kiss; of being together after so long; the feeling of finding your way back home.

H.S.POV

It was so easy to get lost in each other; the mutual longing was undeniable. His tongue ran over my bottom lip; seeking permission; permission to get close, to be what we were. And I didn’t hesitate.

 

_Nobody knows you baby,_

_The way I do;_

_And nobody loves you baby,_

_The way I do;_

_It’s been so long,_

_it’s been so long,_

_Maybe we’re fireproof.._

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Perfect

**Thank you so much for taking the time to read & vote…You are awesome x**

 

Present Day

L.T.POV

Harry was with me and the world was right again. It was kind of awkward some times, because our little ‘misunderstanding’ wasn’t cleared yet, but we managed. He was the same lovable Hazza that I fell in love with three years ago.

We were at the studio for a song writing session for our upcoming album. Harry and I were put together as co-writers for one song, and we were allowed to be alone in a quiet room, which was supposed to help us think. The thing is, we were thinking of everything except song lyrics.

Harry was sitting in a chair opposite mine, glancing at me every few minutes with a cheeky smile. We were told to dig up happy memories, to get us in the mood to write the perfect love song. I could only imagine what Harry was thinking about.

“Lou, can you remember when we first saw each other, before we met in the toilets?”

I smiled at the image of the young curly boy staring at me from across the room.

“Yeah. Of course. Audition day. We saw each other for a moment when we were standing in line right? You looked so curious. What were you thinking about?”

He smiled cheekily and batted his eyelashes.

“About how hot you looked”

I laughed. “Okay. You know what I was thinking about just now?”

“What?”

I could feel a smile spreading on my face as I dug up the memory. “Remember when we used to sneak out just before a performance?”

Harry’s face mirrored my own as it lit up with a fond smile. “How can I not? It was so exhilarating. The danger of being caught; the heat of your lips on mine….” He blushed, looking  down.

 “We used to text each other the location only a few minutes before meeting up in case our phones were checked…”

“Yeah…”

We were silent a moment, both jotting some sentences down.

I remembered our secret meetings vividly. Though we told each other it would help calm us down for the performance, it did anything but calm us down. I remembered feeling his heart beating frantically against mine, as we held each other in the final moments before we let go. And of course, that wasn’t enough for us; we often met up after the performance and drove around town and usually end up in deserted parks around midnight; my head on his chest, hands intertwined, looking up at the stars.

Of course, the memories that followed weren’t as sweet. The tension we felt during every interview, Harry’s torn expression as Taylor dissed him in front of the entire world with an award in her hand…….

My emotions were in turmoil. At least it helped my mind form some coherent lyrics.

After writing down a bit more, I looked up at Harry, who had his head bent over his notebook, scribbling away. He bit his lip as he paused his writing for a moment and looked up to meet my gaze. With a mysterious smile, he looked back down and scribbled some more.

 

H.S. POV

The words just flowed out of me as inspiration struck at the recollection of my memories with Louis. I looked up for a moment to see him staring intently at me, which made me smile. I guess we share wanting to stare at each other and never get bored.

I finished my writing and found Louis standing at the balcony of the small room. I got up and joined him, wrapping my arms around his waist. I had to bend down to rest my head on his shoulder. Sensing my discomfort, Louis backed away from my arms and caught _my_ waist from behind. He was the perfect height to rest his head on my shoulder. We both chuckled, the sound reverberating through our bodies.

“LOUIS! Where the fuck are you?!”

We sprang apart at the enraged voice of Simon. It was a miracle he let co-write, but another miracle would be needed for him to digest the fact that we were together again.

He burst into the room, face contorted with anger. “What is wrong with you? I devote my whole career into making you successful, and this is what you give me? More problems?!”

Louis looked confused.

“What happened?”

Simon clenched his fists. “There is a phone call for you”, he spat and turned on his heel.

I raised my eyebrows questioningly to which Louis replied with a shake of his head, and set off to follow Simon.

 

L.T.POV

_There is a phone call for you_

Who’d be calling the management asking for me? And what was even scarier is that Simon had ranted about more problems. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what had happened.

I caught up with Simon and followed him to a conference room where the rest of boys and a few directors were huddled around a phone on the desk, obviously set on speaker mode. Each and every head turned my way and immediately backed away from the phone as soon as they saw me.

I could feel Harry following me, and I found little comfort in his presence.

I walked towards the phone. “Hello?”

“Hello, Louis”

The high pitched voice made my blood run cold. I looked back to see Harry frozen in his stance behind me, he wouldn’t look at me. I turned back to face the wrath.

“Uh, why are you calling Modest?”

She laughed. A high pitched laugh that was faker than my grandma’s teeth.

“Because, silly, I have news!”

I gulped. “O..kay..what sort of news?”

“Hmm…well, it’s totally up to you to decide whether it’s good or bad…you know..perception? It’s really important to have a good perception these days, what with all the…”

I banged my fist on the table, making everyone jump.

“Just tell me the news, damn it!”

“Okay, okay..so..here goes…….I’m pregnant!”

I felt as if my breath was knocked out of me. I could barely get the words out. “What?”

My mind reeled back to that unpleasant night…we were on my couch, and we did use protection right? I mean, she kissed me as soon as she arrived and…oh. Oh. OH.

“No, no this can’t be happening..”  


Brianna seemed to get a kick out of the whole situation. She was chuckling.

“Well, it’s happening, whether you like it or not! I told you, it’s all a matter of perception..”

“Oh, shut up!”

The line went quiet. I closed my eyes and gathered my thoughts. I looked back for a moment to see how _he_ was handling it; he was turned away, his hands in his hair, almost ready to pull it out.

Okay, first things first.

“Brianna?”

“Hmm?”

God, she was sickening.

“What were you gonna do with it?”

“Well, the thing is, Louis, I just started working as a part time model, so I really can’t have this baby. And, I..don’t like kids that much. They’re gross. They eat and then puke everywhere. I just called to let you know so next time, you’d…take precautions”

The nerve! But I figured it was not worth pursuing it.

“So you’re getting an abortion? When?”

“I don’t know, maybe right after I hang up?”

My fists clenched. She wasn’t even giving me time to think this through.

I could feel Simon staring daggers at me, but when I looked up, he must’ve felt some sympathy, because he asked all his minions to follow him outside. The boys went too, except Harry, of course. He moved so that he was standing opposite me. He was facing me, but wouldn’t raise his head. And we were left to face the most awkward situation ever.  Me, my boyfriend and my pregnant one-night-stand.

“Okay, Bri, you need to calm down”

What made him utter these next words, I don’t know.

Maybe it was just an instinct to save another life, maybe it was something deeper but Harry said,

  “I want you to keep it”

I was sure that Brianna’s face would’ve matched my surprise if she were here.

“What?”

“You heard me” Harry was getting bolder. He looked up and smiled at me. I could feel my jaw dropping.

“Yes I heard you, but I told you, I can’t! I am a model, for God’s sake, I can’t ruin my body having this thing!”

Harry frowned at the words. It was my turn to speak up.

“Brianna, what do you want in exchange?”

“In exchange for what?”

“For keeping the baby to term and giving me full custody after birth”

“Are you, like, a magician? Can you let me keep my job as a model AND give me my body back after this crap?”

I was speechless, but Harry knew just what to do.

“Yeah, we can meet your demands”

“Oh yeah? How?”

“I have a friend who’s hiring people to model preggy clothes. I hear he has a hard time faking it with thin models, so he’d be more than delighted to have the real deal. He’ll have you until the end of your term. And what’s more, I’ll give you enough and more money to take care of your body surgically. What do you say?”

“Well…can I get an advance?”

I looked up to see Harry rolling his eyes.

“Sure, sure whatever you want..”, Harry winked at me, and I could feel tears of gratitude pooling in my eyes.

A squeal was heard at the mention of the advance, and with a hasty goodbye the line went dead.

The room was silent except for my erratic heart beat. I couldn’t form a single coherent thought looking at Harry’s face. So I looked down.

“You…you want the baby?”

His feet approached me and gently lifted my face to meet his.

“Of course I do, love,” His hands slipped into my hair moving in gentle strokes, “It’s your baby”

“Yeah..but it’s..it’s Brianna…”

Harry smiled. “Yeah..but what matters to me is that it’s yours. And she doesn’t seem interested in claiming it, so it’s 100% yours. And I would _never_ let a life go to waste; especially if it’s connected to someone I love”

I could feel tears wetting my cheeks. He pulled me close, and I buried my face in his neck, feeling safe and loved, trusting him completely to share what he made me feel with my…with _our_ child.

I was not surprised to find the memories we relived during that writing session woven in disguise into the perfect love song…

_When I first saw you from across the room,_

_I could tell that you were curious_

_\-------_

_But if you like causing trouble up in hotel rooms;_

_If you like having secret little rendezvous_

_If you like to do the things you know that we shouldn’t do,_

_Baby I’m Perfect,_

_Baby I’m Perfect for you…_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	10. I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna loose you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter

**A.N. A big thank you goes to everyone who followed my story** **J You are the best of the best…Hope you like this ending…straying away from the 1D songs here, but I can’t think of a better fitting song**

Present day

L.T. POV

It was roughly a week since the whole drama with Brianna. She called back a few times to arrange her new job with Harry’s friend, and each time, I refused to even hear her voice.

But then Harry came up with the best idea ever.

“Let’s go shopping for baby clothes!”

I could feel my jaw touching the floor.

“Now?”

“Yeah, now’s a good time as any”

“But isn’t it like…a little early?”

Harry shook his head. “You can never be early with a baby”

And so we were on our way to the biggest baby mall in town.

 

H.S. POV

This is awesome!

His face lights up every time I show him a cute jumper or an adorable onesie.

We end up sepnding a small fortune on the clothes, what with Lou insiting on buying every damn thing he laid his eyes on, but we figure it’s definitely worth it. We make it a point to buy stuff of a wide range of colours, so our little one would look cheerful each new day.

He was taking this whole baby thing in a stride, and I was so proud of him. But I have to make things right today- I have to clear our misunderstanding today…

L.S.POV

After we buy a truckload of baby clothes, we head over to the beach, just for a walk. The  sun was about to set, and Harry insisted on staying and watching.

It was so nice to be close with him again; the silence was comfortable as we walked bare foot down a private strip of beach, his fingers intertwined with mine. I turned to see him walking with his eyes closed and face turned towards the soft sky.

He was truly beautiful, and for a single moment, it was only him and me, walking along the sand.

His phone rang suddenly, cutting through the silence. He answered, not removing his hand from mine.

“Hello?...yeah..okay…okay…and, Jen?...Thanks..bye”

Jen? Who the hell was that?!

I was about to ask when he pointed towards the horizon.

“Look, the sun’s about to set”

I focused on the sky for a while, but doubt was starting to spread through me…did Jen stand for Jenner? as in, Kendall?..

Harry seemed oblivious to all of this, as he stared out into the ocean.

The colours of dusk merged into one as the last drops of gold slowly made its way down the horizon.

Harry took a deep breath and turned towards me.

“Lou?”

“Yeah?”

“Just listen for a minute, okay?”

“Sure”

He looked beautiful bathed in the light of the sunset.

“You are the sole reason that I have put up with this whole management crap, and wherever you go, I will follow you, always. You were my first kiss, my first love, my first everything; and I want it to be you for the rest of my life…”

He reached out and lightly stroked my cheek as I looked on in awe.

“When you were in hospital, it was the worst time of my life…I thought..I thought that I was gonna loose you forever..and then when you came back to me, I screwed everything up..”

I was dumbfounded; why would he bring it all up now?

He continued, pausing to take both my hands in his.

“But I can’t live like this anymore. I need you to understand, to clear all your doubts; I love you with my whole life, and I want to remind you of that in every possible way, for the rest of my life; I want you to be the first person I see every morning and to kiss you good night every night..”

A tingling ran up  my spine. Was he..?

He let go of my hands and reached in his back pocket. I gasped, amillion thoughts racing  through my mind at high speed.

He continued.

“I have you now, and there is also a beautiful being you created on its way to the world…I want to have you both, to love and to cherish; to take care of, and to never let go..”

He knelt to the ground and held up a small velvet box.

“I love you Louis William Tomlinson…I love you with my whole heart…will you marry me?”

 

H.S.POV

_Will you marry me?_

The words left a gaping silence as Louis just stood there with his hands over his mouth and tears flowing from his eyes.

Then at once, he broke from his stance and reached out, pulling me up and pressing his  mouth to mine. I could taste his tears, and feel his lips curl upward against mine.

He pulled back, running his hand through my hair; I couldn’t breathe;

“Yes”

I laughed in relief, and pulled him to me; kissing his cheeks, his forehead, his nose. I leaned my forehead against his and smiled at those beautiful blue eyes;

“I love you, Lou”, I whispered as I slipped the ring on his finger; it was a silver band, with the word _Forever mine_ etched on either side of an embedded diamond.

He mirrored my smile as he read the words and whispered, “Love you too Haz”

Just then, a high pitched squeal made us jump apart.

Kendall Jenner emerged from some nearby bushes with a camcorder in hand.

L.T. POV

I felt my body  go rigid in his arms.

Kendall?

She spoke; “Oh my GOD!!! You guys are so damn cute!!! Did you like the ring?”

I nodded, dumbfounded

“See!! I told you he would love it!”, he said to Haz.

Harry just laughed and shook his head at her excitement. He looked back to me, biting on his lower lip.

“She helped me pick it out”

“She helped you…?”

My mind raced back to the day of our anniversary; seeing them at the jewelry store; her pointing at display cases…what I did to get back at him…

“Oh my God, Harry…”

He just shook his head, pulling me close.

“It’s all over now, Lou. And besides, something good came out of all that crap right?”

I could only nod. I let my hand run through his soft curls as gratitude washed through my heart.

“I’m so sorry Haz, I’ll never doubt you again”

He smiled, “It doesn’t matter now, Lou..You know what really matters?”

I looked at him, willing for him to continue.

“The fact that you agreed to be with me, even after you thought I cheated. I love you for that, Lou, the fact that you did not stop loving me and trusting me when I said I could clear up the whole mess I made. That’s what matters, boobear”

I could feel a smile spreading across my face as I pulled him to me again, caressing his soft lips with my own.

“Okay, guys, break it up..”

It was Kendall. I looked at her, now in a whole new light. “Thank you”

She smiled. “No prob! But…I helped Harry under one condition…”

I chuckled. “What’s that?”

She held up a fat notebook. “I get to plan the wedding!”

We laughed, and I felt Harry squeeze my hand; I looked up at him to see the green eyed boy smile at me, provoking a familiar skip in my heartbeat, as the last drop of sun kissed the horizon, with a promise of a brand new day.

 

_So I’m gonna love you_

_Like I’m gonna loose you_

_I’m gonna hold you_

_Like we’re saying good bye_

_Wherever we’re standing_

_I won’t take you for granted_

_‘Cause we’ll never know when_

_When we’ll run out of time.._

xx

 

 

 


	11. Epilogue

He was nervous, to say the least. More like frantic and shaking.

"Relax, honey. You look fabulous. He's going to go weak in the knees when he sees you."

He smiled, looking up. The hair dresser added the final touches to his hair, adjusted his bow tie and left the dressing room, leaving us alone.

Louis sighed and moved his hands as if to run them through his hair and totally ruin his hairstyle.

"NOOO!"  
I reached him just in time to save his hair from impending disaster.

Louis looked startled, then grinned. "Thanks, Kendall"

"Don't mention it. Now drink some of this water-" I handed him a bottle with a straw "- and be ready and I'll go check on Rosie"

He nodded as he took a few sips.

I left that room and went into the one adjoining it, and found Rosie being fussed about by the hair-and-makeup team, courtesy of my sister, Kylie.

Her mother sat in the bureau next to hers, and turned when she heard me enter. She smiled, still a bit unsure of how to react to me, since the whole friendship thing was new to her.

But I must admit, I admired her for the choices and sacrifices she had made along the way.

Unbeknownst to us, she had grown affectionate towards her unborn child; maybe it was the hormones or her natural mothering instincts, but it changed her. And halfway through her pregnancy, she almost had a miscarriage, and the feeling of loosing her baby frightened her immensely. She called Harry & Louis and begged them for forgiveness, asking to let her be a part of Rosie's life as well.

Of course, they obliged, and she happily declined all of Harry's offers of money for being a surrogate. But she did take him up on the preggy-clothes modelling offer, so she could support herself till she could return to her job.

The boys decided to wait till their daughter was born to take their vows, as they wanted her to be part of the wedding party. With the constant protection of two very proud fathers and a mother, Rosie Styles-Tomlinson was born two years ago, healthy as ever, her face as beautiful as a rose.

But very sadly, Johanna survived only long enough to see her grand daughter for a few months. Her death hit everyone like a blow to the stomach, but it also brought everyone together, and through tears and comfort, we managed to organize the wedding within the next year.

Brianna visited her daughter frequently, and never asked for custody. She was trying hard to earn her forgiveness, and she was doing a wonderful job. Still, she found the concept of being a non-bitchy person to be a bit harder than she expected.

Rosie looked beautiful in all her 2-year-old glory, with Louis' blue eyes and her mother's blonde hair in an intricate crown of braids, with loose strands framing her face.

"Aunt Kenny!!", she said enthusiastically, much to the dismay of the make up artist who was trying to brush her lips with gloss.

I laughed, and moved towards her and reached for the gloss from the estranged artist. "Let me try", he nodded, and went to check on Brianna.

"So, little Rosie, are you excited for the big day? "

She nodded, as I wiped the mess on her lips and started reapplying the gloss.

"Are you nervous?"

She smiled and shook her head. I finished & leaned back to see her face properly.

"There you go!"

She beamed into the mirror, "Aunt Kenny, does this mean I won't get to see Mommy anymore?"

"No. In fact," I sat on the nearest chair and pulled her onto my lap, "you'll be staying with her for two weeks until your daddies get back from their...vacation" I didn't want the kid to be asking everyone what a honeymoon was.

"Really?", she squealed in delight.

"Really"

Brianna walked over, and Rosie reached for her.  
"Come on, girls, we've got work to do", she smiled at me.

Just then, Harry's mom poked his head in, "Come on!! It's happening!!"

We laughed and followed her to Louis' room and then to the courtyard of her family home, with a relatively calmer Louis in tow.  
I peeked out of the doors leading outside, and saw the place filled with our friends and families.  
I took a deep breath, and called to Rosie, who was waddling behind me, with her hand in her mother's.

"Okay, Rosie" I handed her the basket with rose petals, "Make your daddies proud"

She beamed at me and made her entrance, earning a few 'Awww's from the crowd.  
Waiting a few more beats, I mouthed _Good luck_ to Louis who gave me a thumbs up, and nodded to Brianna, who smiled. Together we made our way down the aisle and towards a beaming Harry who looked dashing as ever. He smiled at us, and we stood in our place at the altar.

Harry's attention was quickly captured by the two men who walked down the aisle. I wanted to see both their faces at once, but when it proved impossible, I settled on Harry's.

He smiled, nervously at first, then his whole face softened as his boyfriend came closer, his hand clasped in Mark's. I could almost feel his love as he sighed contentedly and smiled at the scene before him, making me smile as well.

I looked to the crowd then, spotting Niall, Liam and Zayn seated next to Anne & Harry's father, and behind them, Harry's grandparents and Brianna's family, along with my sisters.

I smiled at them, and they waved back.

Mark & Louis reached us, and Mark gave Lou's hand to Harry, kissing them both. And it truly began.

"Dearly beloved..."

The boys exchanged vows & rings, and the priest gestured toward Louis.

Harry did not waste a moment. He captured Louis' lips in a sweet kiss, and I could see most of the crowd, including their band mates, wiping their eyes. I was getting misty-eyed as well, but Harry broke their kiss to glance at something in the sky.

** Louis Tomlinson-Styles POV ;) **

"Baby, look," Harry was pointing at something over our heads. As I looked up, I could feel the audience do the same.  
When my eyes landed on the band of colours streching across the sky, my heart did a little flip in my chest, and I could feel Haz squeezing my arms in  reassurance, "She's proud of you, baby"

I looked towards the rainbow, my eyes closed and I whispered to her, "Thank you, mom"

**_A.N.  :')_ **

**_Thank you to all my beautiful readers out there.. This is an unexpected, hopefully enjoyable, addition to this story. It is now officially complete._ **


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